January 13, 2006Nanny Wisdom Newsletter - January 06 Nanny Wisdom Newsletter
Edition One - January 2006
Welcome to the very first edition of our bi-monthly Nanny Wisdom Newsletter! We are both thrilled by the wonderful response our book, "Nanny Wisdom - Our Secrets for Raising Healthy, Happy Children" has received. While on our U.S book tour in September and October of last year we had the pleasure of meeting many parents, nannies, teachers and children. We’d like to give a huge thank you to everyone who came to the book signings and events.
On tour we were asked for child care advice on a whole range of issues. However, there was one issue that just kept coming up over and over at our book signings, radio and TV interviews and at our Nanny Wisdom Workshops and that issue was ‘Potty Training’.
These are the top three potty training questions we were asked:
1. What is the right age to begin potty training?
2. How do you successfully potty train a child?
3. What do you do if potty training is not progressing?
This first edition of our newsletter will answer these questions and more. We will explain step by step how to make sure potty training is as easy and as stress free as possible, and we will tell you how to avoid the most common mistakes that can cause kids and parents problems. When the Nanny Wisdom Potty Training method is followed consistently, most children get the hang of potty training within 14 days.
The Nanny Wisdom Potty Training Method in 10 Simple Steps
1. Begin at the right time - Is your child ready?
Girls are often ready to potty train a little earlier than boys, we like to begin potty training girls around the age of two years give or take a month or two either side of the second birthday. We usually start potty training boys somewhere between two and two and a half years. We do not believe in starting younger than two years as a child needs to be mature enough to understand the concept of potty training, otherwise he/she will not be able to make progress and move through all the stages of training potty training with ease. When potty training begins when a child is too young, or when a child is not ready to potty train it may take a long time for a child to completely master it.
However, we also advise parents not to wait too long to start potty training as a late start may result in missing the window of opportunity and the older child is more likely to reject potty training, or not progress quickly like he should. Therefore, we really do suggest making a start at potty training well before a child’s third birthday.
There are a few indicators to look out for that can help determine if a child is ready for potty training. One indicator is when a child becomes aware of when he is soiling his diaper. The other is when a child announces when he is soiling his diaper and wants to be changed immediately. When a child has become aware of his body functions and is uncomfortable when his diaper is soiled it really can be the perfect time to begin potty training (if the child is also at the right age).
Are you ready?
The secret to successful potty training is to ‘Start as You Mean to Go On’. By this we mean it is necessary to be 100% consistent, patient and committed when potty training a child. We encourage parents to begin potty training when they have time available to really devote to it. For example; if a family have just moved house, a new baby is born, or a child has just started school it is a good idea to wait for a calmer time to begin potty training.
2. Prepare for Potty Training
A few weeks before potty training begins, start to notice when the child regularly urinates and poops. This will really help once potty training begins. Take note if Stephen usually poops 30 minutes after lunch each day? Or, If Stephen’s diaper is usually very wet in the morning 30 minutes after breakfast? Some children even pull a funny face when they are urinating or pooping, if a child is showing these kinds of signs, then now would be a good time to talk to the child about these body functions. Ask the child, “Are you pooping now? Are you peeing?” (Or whichever words you choose to use), these questions really do help a child become aware of his own bodily functions.
Start mentioning to the child when you yourself have to use the bathroom. Say to the child, “Wait just a minute, Mommy is going to use the bathroom now”. Chances are the child has been in the bathroom with a parent before, so do continue to bring the child into the bathroom and show her what happens in there so it’s not a complete mystery to him.
Before serious potty training begins we like to encourage a child to sit on a potty or on the toilet for a few minutes each day. He can look at a story or have a chat to you while he is sitting there. The perfect times to get into the habit of doing this are before a bath and each morning before getting dressed. When it is warm outside a child can run around in the garden without a diaper which will help him be more aware of when he is urinating or pooping, and then he can be taken to the bathroom or potty when he needs to use it. If a child is always in a diaper he won’t have experienced or learnt the concept of being without one and know what happens when he is not wearing a diaper.
3. No Pull-Ups!
We have found that many potty training problems are caused by the use of pull-ups. A pull-up is really no different from a diaper, and when a child is wearing a pull-up he does not progress through the stages of toilet training as quickly as he should, therefore potty training can become a long drawn out process. A child who is potty training needs to understand that when he is awake he should urinate or poop in a potty or a toilet. Pull-ups remove this important step, when a child is wearing pull-ups he will continue to urinate or poop in the pull-up as he did when he was wearing a diaper. Also, when a child is wearing pull-ups during potty training it can be a subtle way to communicate to the child that there is anxiety about accidents happening. Make the leap and use underwear instead of pull-ups, and feel confident about this new milestone. It is much better to be positive and believe a child can get the hang of potty training, because they can and they will.
4. Get the right equipment - Potty and Toilet Training Seats
We recommend getting a child used to using both a potty and a toilet. We have both cared for children who have only ever used a potty and when the time comes to transition the child to the big toilet it can be very difficult. Quite naturally the child wants to continue using the potty that he is already familiar with and can become anxious about using a big toilet. A big toilet can seem rather large and overwhelming to a small child, so it is a good idea to buy a child’s training toilet seat that fits on a big toilet so the child feels comfortable.
In the beginning you can bring a regular or portable fold-up potty along with you outside the house. A potty is ideal when a public toilet cannot be found easily, or the potty can be used inside a public bathroom. It is always a good idea to get to know where the clean accessible toilets are in your neighborhood. Bathrooms in hotels, restaurants, shopping malls and department stores are usually clean and child friendly.
5. Make a Positive Start
Underwear
The first step is to buy the child big girl/boy underwear, maybe even buy underwear with the child’s favorite character on it, for example Cinderella or Superman underwear. Buy plenty of underwear, (in the first few days there will be many changes). Make a big fuss out of the new underwear, and help the child to put it on. A child is usually very excited to wear the new big boy/girl underwear and this often encourages a child to want to use the potty/toilet more.
Big Boy/Girl Status
Put diapers away in the cupboard and only bring them out at nap time and bedtime. Tell the child “You are not a baby anymore; you are a big girl/boy, now you will only wear diapers at bedtime”. Or, “I’m so excited you can use the bathroom like Mommy/Daddy and your older brother/sister”. Comments like these will encourage a child to be happy and confident about using the potty or toilet.
6. Timing is the key to success
Have the child sit on the potty and toilet at regular intervals throughout the day. In the beginning we recommend a bathroom visit every 20-30 minutes for child that drinks a lot, and every 30-40 minutes for a child that doesn’t drink so much. (Each child will be slightly different so it is important to get to know your own child’s habits). As the days go by, the length of time can be extended between each bathroom visit as the child gains more control and can ‘hold on’ for longer periods of time. Try using a kitchen timer to announce to the child when it is time to use the potty/toilet, this can make the whole process a little more fun and also helps parents stay more aware of the timing for bathroom visits.
7. Stay Close to a Bathroom or Potty for the first 3-4 days
Keep the potty close by or stay near a bathroom for the first few days. Encourage the child to sit on the potty/toilet for a few minutes at each visit. If a child sits on the potty or toilet frequently and for a few minutes each time is he more likely to have his first success and after that first success you are off and running!
Often the first potty success happens by accident when the child is not aware of what is actually happening. For example he may be distracted by looking at a book. Do keep in mind that it can take quite a few visits to the potty/toilet before a child has his first success.
Once the child has had his first breakthrough on the potty/toilet, show him what he has done and praise him. Say to the child, “Well done! You have peed or pooped in the potty/toilet”. “You really are a big boy now, you did it!” Try calling Grandma or Mom/Dad the first few times so the child can announce his successes, this will make the child feel really good about the whole experience.
Ask the child to help flush the toilet afterwards; this will also make the new big boy/girl status much more exciting. Be sure to teach your child about bathroom hygiene and importance of washing hands after going to the bathroom.
8. Encourage success with the Special Sticker Technique
A special sticker is a simple and effective reward to give a child when he uses the bathroom. If the child likes Thomas the Tank Engine or Dora the Explorer purchase some stickers with these characters on them and use these as special potty training stickers. After each successful visit to the potty/toilet, go ahead and give the child a sticker on her hand and be sure to tell the child why she has received the sticker. Each time the child pees or poops in the potty/toilet tell her she will receive one sticker (one only). Keep these special stickers just for potty successes.
We do not advocate using candy or toys as a reward for potty/toilet successes. When rewards like this are used a child can easily cling onto this game, it takes away the focus of potty training and progression is often delayed. Also, the child expects a toy or candy every time he uses the bathroom, which can become a very complicated and expensive business.
In Nanny Wisdom we encourage the use of Star Charts for motivating children to change certain behaviors. However, we do not recommend using a star chart when beginning potty training, it just isn’t necessary and complicates what should be a very straightforward process. We only use a star chart when a child is having issues with potty training and is not progressing. For example, we would recommend using a star chart when a child refuses to poop in the potty or toilet. Or, when an older child is still having accidents and is not completely dry during the day. Another situation when a star chart can be effective is when a child relapses and accidents start to happen after a child has been potty trained for a while.
9. Accidents - Will Happen
We remind parents that there are going to be accidents when potty training a child, accidents are all part of the learning process and not something to feel angry, disappointed or upset about. When accidents do happen, do not become emotional, be very matter of fact about the accident. Simply say to the child, “Next time when you need to use the potty, just ask me and I will take you” or “Next time I know you will use the potty, I know you can do it”.
If emotions are brought into the picture, a child will easily pick up on anxiety, frustration or anger, and nothing is more likely to encourage further accidents and problems in the future. Encourage the child to help with clean up so he is involved in process and is aware of what is happening. By being consistent and encouraging frequent bathroom visits, accidents should soon stop happening altogether.
We sometimes hear from parents that are worried about their child having accidents on the furniture, on the carpet, or in the car. These concerned parents tend to revert back to putting diapers and pull-ups back on a child for short periods of time while potty training is in progress. As frustrating or challenging as potty training may be, we cannot emphasize enough the importance of a child being diaper/pull-up free (while awake) during potty training. At some point or another every parent will want to save their furniture, child’s clothes, or even their sanity. We can assure you, from our past experiences that putting a diaper or pull-up back on a child during potty training will back track all progress and bring you right back to ‘Day 1’ again. A child needs to make the leap to being diaper free, even if it means a few accidents along the way.
A useful tip for cleaning up accidents is to pour a little soda water or seltzer on the carpet, cushion or rug and use a paper towel to soak up the liquid. This should prevent stains and smells.
10. Moving Right Along
Effective communication is essential for successful potty training -especially in the early days. It can make all the difference in how swiftly a child progresses. We recommend stating very clearly to a child when it is time to use the bathroom without begging or pleading. Promises of candy or gifts are not necessary or required for visits to the bathroom. We do not recommend starting down this road.
Here are some examples of effective communication. Try a statement like. “Maggie, it is time to use the bathroom now, let’s go”. Once the child has actually visited or used the bathroom, you can praise her good efforts by saying like the following. ”Well done, I am very happy that you came in to the bathroom and made an effort to use the potty/toilet, good job”.
Here are some examples of ineffective ways to communicate to a child in this situation. “Darling would you like to use the bathroom now?” or “Please can you sit on the potty for Daddy, just this once. I’ll give you a treat if you do?” Both of these examples assure a “No” from a child and future negotiations are likely.
Always insist a child uses the bathroom before they leave the house, do not make it a choice or an option. If a child is refusing to use the bathroom before going outside the home, insist that she has a quick try. Say to her “We always use the bathroom before we go outside, so there aren’t any accidents. Come on, I will go with you”. Make this a daily habit and soon enough bathroom visits will be less likely to be rejected.
Common Potty Training Problems
Rejection of bathroom visits
During the first few days of potty training children are often very happy to sit on the potty/toilet. A child often thinks it is a fun game in the beginning. However, the potty game can quickly become boring to a child and she now may begin to reject sitting on the potty/toilet. If this happens or has happened to people reading this newsletter, do not worry. It is very common for a child to reject using the potty/toilet at one time or another. It can be the perfect opportunity for a child to state his independence, when a child says “No” it pretty much guarantees an emotional reaction from a parent or child care giver. Therefore, we do not recommend reacting emotionally to these bathroom rejections.
If this does happen stick to the plan of taking the child to the bathroom regularly and do not take the rejections seriously. Introduce visits to the bathroom into the child’s daily routine, for example take the child to the bathroom after breakfast, before a nap, before you leave the house etc… And remember, always use a clear assertive and positive voice when announcing it is time to use the bathroom and rejections should soon pass.
Child has not or will not poop in potty/toilet
Bowel movements can be the trickiest and most challenging stage of potty training for a child. It usually takes just two or three successes for a child to be comfortable with the new experience of pooping in a potty/toilet.
Make a note to see if the child’s bowel movements are at regular times. If the child usually has a bowel movement after dinner, put him on the potty/toilet around this time everyday. This is a good habit to get in to, as the child will be less likely to reject going to the bathroom if it part of his regular daily routine.
If a child is suffering from constipation or is holding onto poops it may be that pooping is painful for him (this can be quite common). Make sure the child is well hydrated and eats plenty of fruit and vegetables each day; this will help to regulate bowel movements and make it easier for him to poop. When a child absolutely refuses to poop without a diaper a star chart can be very effective in turning this situation around. And keep in mind that when using a star chart to turn around situations consistency is crucial to success.
Child is potty trained - But having lots of accidents
When a child is having lots of accidents, it is usually because she is waiting too long to use the bathroom. Or, she may be so involved in playing that she forgets, or is just too distracted to use the bathroom. You will need to help your child by reminding him constantly to use the bathroom. Remember to use our effective communication method; don’t ask a child if she needs to use the bathroom, simply use a clear assertive voice and tell her it is time to go. For children that become very involved in play, using a timer and setting it every 30-45 minutes can work very well to signal bathroom visits.
Nanny Wisdom - Nights and Naps
There is no big rush for kids to be dry at night and we not recommend starting this final stage of potty training until basic potty training is well established. The age for staying dry while asleep does vary a lot, some kids are ready at 3yrs, some at 4yrs, some not till 5yrs of age. When a child is still wearing a diaper through the night at 5yrs he is very used to wearing a diaper while asleep and may need a little more encouragement to be without one while sleeping.
Always start by removing diapers at nap time. When you notice that a child’s diaper is dry after a nap on a regular basis, it can be the perfect time to remove diapers during naps. Always insist a child uses the bathroom before he goes to sleep for a nap and at bedtime. When starting to work on night time dryness, drinks before bed need to be cut right back, do not give a child a drink at least 45 minutes to an 1hr before sleep. With some children, drinks need to be stopped up to 2hrs before sleep. For children that are used to drinking a lot before bed this rule will need to be explained to the child. Children do not take long to accept this new rule and soon become used to drinks being restricted at bedtime.
Children who are unable to fall asleep at night without drinking from bottles or sippy cups will need to learn how to fall asleep without these sleep aids before you attempt to take away diapers at night. Strategies for teaching a child to fall asleep independently are detailed in our book, "Nanny Wisdom".
Some children seem to have a harder time holding on all night long and may wake up after wetting the bed. For these children, we suggest gently waking them at 11 or 12 p.m. before a parent turns in for the night, and having them use the potty or toilet then. Talk to the child about staying dry through the night and discuss how he can wake up to use the bathroom by himself. Keep the light on in the bathroom at night, and maybe in the hallway if needed, so the child is not afraid to walk to the bathroom during the night. Encouraging a child to use the bathroom by himself during the night can also prevent nighttime visits to parents’ rooms.
There are some children that are able to stay dry all night but actually wet the bed early in the morning. With these children we set an alarm clock to go off about 30 minutes before they usually wake up. We explain to the child that they need to get up and use the bathroom when the alarm sounds. A star chart can work very well to encourage children to stay dry through the night.
Nanny Wisdom Quick Top Tips for Successful Potty Training
• Once potty training begins, a child should only wear a diaper when he is sleeping; the only exception is for long car/plane journeys at the very beginning of potty training.
• Staying close to home for the first few days can be really helpful as a child is comfortable in his own home, and a bathroom and spare clothes are always close by.
• For working parents, we suggest beginning potty training on the weekend and again staying close to home. If staying close is not possible - take a portable potty, regular potty or toilet trainer seat to use when away from the home.
• Be prepared for accidents, they will happen and remember accidents are how a child learns.
• NEVER become emotional when accidents happen.
• Do not punish, or give time outs when accidents happen.
• A child cannot learn anything from inconsistency. Do not switch between putting a child in underwear one day and a diaper the next day.
• If a child has many accidents today or yesterday, DO NOT put the child back in a diaper during the day. This will create setbacks, confuse the child and prevent progression. (The only exception is when potty training has completely stopped because a child is clearly not ready to be potty trained).
• If a child is deliberately having accidents, do not become emotional in front of the child. Ask her to help with clean up. Do not over analyze the situation, sometimes children do things like this when they are acting out in front of a parent, or trying to get attention. Using a timer for bathroom visits in this situation works extremely well. Also, constant reminding will help the situation.
• A child should always be well hydrated. However, during potty training excessive liquids will encourage more accidents. For children that are big water, juice, or milk drinkers we suggest slightly cutting back on drinks when starting to potty train.
• It is extremely important that everyone who cares for the child is on the same page, i.e. partner, babysitter, and school teacher must all know that potty training has begun and each person needs to continue on in exactly the same way.
Here’s one example of how important it is for everyone to follow the same plan when potty training a child. Two and half year old Joe is almost potty trained and never wears a diaper during the day. Joe’s Dad is worried about little Joe having an accident when he takes him to the park, therefore Dad decides to put a diaper on Joe for their trip to the park. Wearing a diaper has confused Joe and he goes on to have several accidents over the next week. Inconsistency like this can easily interfere with potty training progress.
Other Nanny Wisdom News
We are launching a Nanny Wisdom Parent and Nanny Club on the website in February/March 06. It will be a monthly membership club for parents and nannies, a place for parents and other nannies to write to us with their childcare questions. Members will receive personal answers from Justine and Kim. Please email us if you are interested in joining the Nanny Wisdom Parent and Nanny Club.
We have just finished filming with FOX 5 TV where we filmed a segment with a wonderful family of six. The segment will be airing sometime this month. We will keep you posted to let you know the air date.
Kim is Nanny 95 for KS95 in Minnesota every week. Kim answers parents and nannies childcare questions. You can listen in every Monday at 7:10am CST or 8:10am EST. The radio station’s website is: www.ks95.com once on the website open the windows media player to hear Kim live on the show each week.
Justine and Kim have been invited to the Women’s Expo in Minnesota on January 27th, 28th, 29th. We will be holding a question and answer session and signing books each day. Please come along to meet us for a chat. Check out the Expo’s website for more details. www.mplswomensexpo.com. We will be promoting the Women’s Expo on KS95 on Friday 27th January – we will keep you posted what time we will be on the air that day.
From February we are both going to be Club Mom experts, www.clubmom.com (Watch this space for more details).
We are both delighted to have received many invitations to appear around the country at several events and workshops this year. We are holding one of many Nanny Wisdom Workshops at the Education Alliance Preschool in New York City on February 8th at 7pm. To reserve a seat for this event, please email Carol Osher at the following email address. Carol_Osher@edialliance.org
Finally, we are proud to announce the release of Nanny Wisdom in the UK. The official release date is April 28th 06. (Watch this space for more details).
Please feel free to forward this newsletter on to other parents, friends and nannies. The March newsletter will discuss how to effectively communicate with a child, giving you our top strategies and tips. You can sign up for the monthly Nanny Wisdom Newsletters at www.nanny-wisdom.com
Happy New Year!
Justine and Kim
Copyright 2006 Justine Walsh and Kim Nicholson
Posted by Justine Walsh on January 13, 2006. Send to a friend. | 
