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March 25, 2006

Questions from Parents and Nannies

Crossover Time
Question: I am a nanny to three children under six years and am very happy in my job. However, when my employers come home from work at night, my charges who have behaved well all day begin to act out in front of their parents. They whine, fight with each other and shout for treats and TV. My employers ask why the children are behaving in this way, and after a few minutes of these antics, one of my employers usually gives the children the sweets/TV they have been screaming for, even if dinner is just about to be served, or they have had their TV allowance for the day. I am at my wits end; please can you suggest what I can do to put an end to this stressful part of the day?
Janice, London England

Nannies Advice: The scenario you have described is a very common one, we call it “Crossover Time”, it’s the end of the day, the children are tired and they are claiming back their parents. The end of the day can be the perfect opportunity for a child to test her boundaries and play parent against nanny. We have a few suggestions for you. We recommend you have a chat with your employers (away from little ears) and explain how this part of the day is becoming very difficult for you. Try and come up with a plan together to make the end of the day less stressful. (We suggest parents spend some quality time with their children when they arrive home from work to lessen such attention seeking behaviors, we also suggest parents leave the answering machine, mail/post until later when the children are calm or are in bed). Once your employers realize the children are ‘acting out', it should become easier for them to stop giving in to the children’s demands. With just a few changes your charges should get through this phase more quickly and the end of the day (crossover time) should become more pleasant for everyone. Good Luck!

Child having Tantrums in Public Places
Question: My two year old often has a tantrum when I take him to the supermarket. What should I do? When people are staring and judging me, sometimes I give in and give him the sweets/toys he screams for just to keep the peace.
Nicola, Ohio.

Nannies Advice: First of all, it is important to know that it is not unusual for a two year old to be having tantrums, especially in such a stimulating environment like a supermarket. The bright lights and over abundance of goodies and toys can send even the most well behaved child into a meltdown.

Here are a few tips to get through this tricky phase:
1. It is important to know your child’s limits so you can prevent public outbursts. When you take your son to the supermarket make sure he is not tired or hungry, when a child is tired or hungry he will be more likely to have a meltdown.

2. Never give in to a child’s tantrum, even if you are in a public place like a supermarket. Consistency is essential for effectively dealing with tantrums and if you change how you deal with a tantrum just because you are in a public place, (or you change how you deal with them on a daily basis) your son will continue to have tantrums each and every time he goes to the shops, and at other times. If you give in to your son's tantrums you are teaching him that throwing a tantrum is the best way to get exactly what he wants, from this approach your son is likely to continue having tantrums for many years, maybe even into his teen years.

3. If your son is having a tantrum in the supermarket, remove him from the situation; take him outside, take him home, or take him to a quiet place so he can calm down. Once your child is calm be sure to tell him that kind of behavior is not acceptable and tell him why you removed him from the store. Removing your son from the situation will send him a very powerful message, you will not put up with this kind of behavior. As time goes by this behavior should lessen and disappear if all tantrums are dealt with consistently.

4. Make shopping trips fun for your son. Keep him amused and engaged while he is in the supermarket,
encourage him to help you choose produce. Ask him questions such as; “Do you know how to tell if a melon is ripe?” Try bringing a favorite toy along to keep him distracted, or try giving him a small box of raisins to eat, it can take up to half an hour for a young child to pick out raisins from the box.

5. Praise works wonders with children, so at the end of the shopping trip be sure to tell your son how proud you are of him for being such a good boy while in the store. Your son will want to please you the next time he goes to the shop with you and these tantrums/outbursts should soon come to an end in no time. Also, you can take him to the park for a treat after a shopping trip to reinforce how delighted you are that he has behaved well.

Not Ready for Bed
Question: I have trouble getting my 2 1/2 yr old daughter to bed at night, she takes a nap each afternoon from 3:00pm to 5pm, but she is not ready for bed until 10:30pm or 11pm, when I try to wake her for preschool in the morning she is very grouchy and difficult to deal with. How can I improve things?
Andrea, NY

Nannies Advice: It sounds like your daughter needs a more age appropriate schedule and bedtime. The reason your daughter is not ready for bed at night is because she is sleeping too late in the afternoon, she is difficult to wake in the morning because she is going to bed too late at night and is probably very overtired. Her daily nap should end by 3:15pm and she should be going to bed at night between 7:15-7:30pm each night. What you will need to do is move everything in her schedule earlier. It will take a few weeks to change and adjust her schedule and to make these schedule changes you will need to be 100% consistent and committed. Each day; adjust her nap and bedtime 15-20 minutes earlier; continue to do this until she is on a more age appropriate schedule like the one we have described. Bedtimes and mornings will become easier once you have made these changes, and your daughter will be a more contented and well rested child. A well rested child is more able to cope with the emotional and physical development they are going through.

More Q and A coming soon......

Disclaimer: All advice on nanny-wisdom.com is not intended to replace medical advice, if you are concerned about your child's health or well-being please consult your pediatrician.

Posted by Justine Walsh on March 25, 2006. Send to a friend.